Donald Trump: The Magic 8 Ball

“He’s loud, he’s proud, and he creates jobs!” The man, the myth, the reason why I might start drinking.

As I think back to the 2008 election, one moment in particular stands out; the moment in which I felt the most heartbroken and disappointed in the direction our country was heading. Before the results were ever tallied I listened to the exit poll interviews, and I remember hearing the crowds chant over the charismatic nature of the Democrat candidate, Barack Obama. I heard nary a word on what he planned to do to our country; the bowl of blithering nonsense before me was just a culmination of free phones, free contraceptives, charisma, and the color of his skin. I remember thinking, “This man is going to win, and no one knows what he stands for, they just know that he’s a celebrity and the right color. At least I know that I’m on the right side of history, the side that cares enough about issues to truly study our candidates.”

The joke was on me.

What fresh hell is this?

To quote the iconic words of Freddie Mercury, “Is this the real life, or is this just fantasy?”

Donald Trump: The candidate who says what you like to hear, the magic man, the all-powerful Oz, the almighty god of conservative principles. Donald Trump shines as he whispers his seductive verbiage in the ears of those who wish for change in times of desperation, when no other option is…. Wait, what? No other option? This is what people think? This is probably the best slate of options the Republicans have EVER had to choose from, we have a variety of amazing options, competent men who are superb conservatives. Why in the name of everything holy are we giving time to this tool?

Well, I’ve asked that exact question to the very people that troll my Twitter account, here are the replies I received:

“He speaks to his beliefs! He says what others are afraid to say!”

False. He says what others are saying, but he adds in a few doses of mind numbing, IQ killing, brain imploding piles of rubbish.

“He speaks to his beliefs!” Well, the ones he has today, I suppose. However, we have no idea what they’ll be tomorrow, or the next day, or the day Iran violates their side of the deal, or the day ISIS beheads an American, or the day the economy crashes. Trump fans are cheering for someone who embodies the fickleness of a Magic 8 Ball, and if you shake him enough you’ll eventually get the answer you’re looking for – he’s compliant like that.

I remember when countless conservatives said, “Democrats pick one issue and vote on that one issues, they don’t look at the broad picture!”

Pot, this is kettle. Kettle, this is pot. Now go frolic in fields of daisies with one another. Join your people, dine with the other one-issue voters. Drink and be merry. I’ll be over here, crying in the fetal position with the ghosts of our Founding Fathers.

“He’s for AMERICA!!!1!111!!!”

Once you stop screaming at me, can we talk about how this man is basically a Democrat who hops over the fence every once in a while to pee on our grass? His history consists of being pro-choice, pro-taxes, pro-socialist healthcare, pro-gun control, pro-eminent domain, etc. I mean, if you’re playing Political Position Bingo, he’s your man; However, that’s not the guy who sane individuals wish to have in the White House. I’d feel more confident voting for Sybil.

“He’s a savvy businessman who creates jobs and wants to close the border!!!”

He’s a businessman who knows bankruptcy laws like the Devil knows the Bible, and he used them to his advantage as he filed for bankruptcy several times. And for someone who talks a lot about how we need to close the border and stop “drug dealers” and “rapists” from entering the country, he sure is getting a lot of backlash from those building his luxury hotel, which happens to sit mere blocks from the house he wishes to reside in come 2017 – 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. The backlash is coming from a rather large number of men who fear for their job safety after the vitriolic comments from the attention seeking candidate concerning immigration, the group includes several workers who admit to being illegal, as well as some who are currently living under asylum. The Washington Post has a great article you can read here.

Ahmad Samadi, 26, a site foreman who arrived last year from Afghanistan under U.S. political asylum, said he has had to learn some Spanish to communicate with his crew.

The article continues:

For David Montoya, 28, Trump’s comments are a harsh reminder that anyone who is not a U.S. citizen is vulnerable to stricter immigration laws in the country. A truck driver at the hotel site, Montoya arrived from El Salvador in 1997, gaining temporary protected status from deportation in 2001. “Every 18 months, I have to get it renewed,” he said, in perfect English, adding that he dreams of permanent legal status.

Montoya reflected on his journey as an immigrant, which now includes three U.S.-born children and a house that he and his wife own in a quiet section of Silver Spring, Md. He noted with pride that he thinks his story — one of coming to a new world, and of hard work paying off — is more impressive than that of the powerful developer whose name adorned the sign behind him as he spoke.

“Actually,” he reflected, “we’re more American than him.”

You see, Trump doesn’t mind using the very immigrants he uses as a punching bag to garner your love and attention. The sad part about all of it is that his supporters soak it up like a dry sponge. Support the end of sanctuary cities, support a stronger border, support stronger immigration laws, etc… but for God’s sake, realize that this country is a country of immigrants, and many of them are hardworking decent people. On top of that, many of them are hardworking decent VOTERS who appreciate the opportunities America has given, let’s try not to alienate them because you get a warm and fuzzy feeling when you hear someone bucket the entire lot while pouring vitriolic slurs over their heads. I get it, illegal immigration is… illegal. I concur, something needs to be done, but how about we don’t sell our souls to do it? The Democrats accuse conservatives of being cold, removed, and dismissive of minorities, and all you’re doing is proving them right with your actions. Many of these illegal immigrants have legal families, it’s not as simple as kicking them out. It just isn’t. You can say it is, but the reason we remain at a stand still is because it isn’t.

In addition, just because the man says he basically wants to build his own version of the Mesopotamian Walls of Babylon on the border (which now he’s already going back on…shocker), doesn’t mean that he actually will. You never know, maybe he’ll wake up one morning on the other side of the bed and instead remember how useful those immigrants are when he has the itch to build another hotel.

“He’s for small government!!”

Trump has advocated on behalf of Eminent Domain. Confused about what that is? Let me help you understand: Trump was tired of seeing an elderly woman’s home near his Trump Plaza Hotel in Atlantic City, so he offered her $1 Million for the land, and made plans to turn the house into a parking lot, or similar. This story is basically the perfect foundation for a Disney movie, villain and all. The elderly woman didn’t want the money, she wanted her home and her memories instead, as would many of us. Their fights went on until Trump allegedly used the New Jersey Casino Reinvestment Development Authority to file a lawsuit against the woman, which would leave her with 90 days to leave and only $251K for the coveted property. Thankfully Trump failed when the case was thrown out in 1998, but he was willing to use the government to get what he wanted.

Now his followers will undoubtedly yell, “THAT WAS IN THE 1990s!!!!” (I’ve found that their Caps Lock button is frequently engaged); It’s pertinent to note that in 2005 he rejoiced when the Supreme Court supported government approved theft of this nature, as well. That said, after talking with many supporters I feel like Trump could perform an abortion today, speak against abortion tomorrow, and still receive thunderous applause for his “conservative stance.”

“He has a firm stance on conservative issues!”

No. He. Does. Not. He hasn’t given a policy speech, nor does he have a solid stance on Foreign Policy, Abortion, Economy, Second Amendment, etc. the list goes on. Give me a microphone and I can give a speech on such issues, that doesn’t mean I have a plan for them, nor that I should be given the Presidency. I can say that drunk driving is bad – repetitively – but that doesn’t mean drunk driving is going to decrease simply because I say it’s bad. No, it would require a change of some sort, an action. Trump is like a dog that barks incessantly but never bites, unless of course he’s going after the very people chanting his name, then he has a history of biting…a lot.

I can go to the websites for all of the other GOP candidates and find their position on issues, and for a few even policies and plans (hint: Marco Rubio). However, when I go to Trump’s website, I find that he’s Emmy Nominated for a show I’ve never felt inclined to watch, he owns a lot of buildings, he likes veterans, he has over 7 million followers on social media, and he donated to Republicans in 2014. Nothing about what he plans to do to fix the economy, correct our foreign policy disasters, work to preserve life, etc… I did notice one thing in particular was missing: his website fails to mention anything about his donations to Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, Harry Reid, Rahm Emanuel, as well as countless other Democrats. That said, in honesty, that’d be rather harmful to put on your campaign website when you’re trying to fool an entire party into believing that you’re one of them.

“His kids are successful and smart.”

You mean money, an expensive education, and name recognition can make people successful? By golly, I think that’s the ticket! Fetch me my ink and quill, let us inform the people of the news!

“He donated to Democrats for strictly business reasons, but he’s really a Republican.”

So then you’re saying he puts wealth and business over the good of the country? You’re saying a crony capitalist has your vote? Did it take you long to cultivate that idea in your mind? I really want to know, what did it take to build that utterly riveting argument?

“We don’t have any other options.”

This is quite possibly the worst reason to follow after Trump. We have more options than we can handle, and not just “I guess I have to pick one” options, but real options. Strong conservatives with logical solutions. I won’t hide the fact that my choice candidate is Marco Rubio, I never have. I adore his stance on immigration, and I think others would as well if they took the time to understand it. Why do we demonize Democrats for rejecting a stance before they understand it if we do the same thing? Is he perfect? No. No one ever is, even Reagan had his faults when it came to Gun Control and a few other issues. Rubio’s answer for immigration was detailed, efficient, and would have boosted the economy while not alienating the minority vote. No one has given a better option. Period. Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong, but to the best of my knowledge, no one else has even proposed another option. All of this aside, the fact still remains – regardless of your choice, we have an incredible catalog of good candidates.

In the end, Trump will not win, I have no doubt about that. The danger in his silly game entered in when he started hinting about a 3rd party candidacy last week, which would Ross Perot this election right into the hands of the Mistress of Darkness herself, Hillary Clinton. Speaking of Clinton, this “magnetic conservative” who’s slipping his poisoned rhetoric into the minds of his followers has quite a history of not only financially supporting the Clintons, but also being a friend – dishing out wedding invites and frequent accolades.

Absolutely nothing.

“You’re just a RINO!” 

So let me get this right – I’m not a “real Republican” (I actually consider myself a Coolidge Conservative) because I won’t support a guy who has historically held leftist positions and financially supported Democrats? I’m not a “real Republican” because I won’t support dangerous rhetoric that not only alienates and demonizes minorities, but pushes them away? I’m not a “real Republican” because I won’t bow down and worship a man who advocates for larger government? I’m not a “real Republican” because I don’t take a capricious man’s word as the Gospel, but instead look at his history and who he really is, not just what he spouts off when the wind blows in the right direction? Really?

This man is a blessing to Liberals, he’s everything they ever wanted in a Republican candidate. Keep ignorantly supporting him, keep encouraging him, and he won’t be President, but Hillary will. The Republican party will be watching her sworn in, the promise of another four years – at minimum – of watching the destruction of our country. The Trump fans will look on with an indignant glare, demanding that it’s all our fault. Meanwhile, the rest of us will be holding the campaign stickers of legitimate candidates, once again wondering why conservatives can’t learn from history, wondering how we could have had so many good options and still wound up in the losers circle.

3 thoughts on “Donald Trump: The Magic 8 Ball

  1. It seems to me that people are falling again like lemmings to a single idea.. he’s rich so therfore he can turn economy around,, he doesnt care what people think,,so he will be a maverick in Washington.. that’s it.. that’s the bottom line. That is what the average American knows about can be summed up in one sentence…hmmm.. sounds like the last election of Yes we can! The question people should have been asking is Yes we can what? It boils down to more people care about the Kardashians, and know more about them then the president they elect. Trump knows that, Obama knew that… and they use it to their full advantage.. Americans are uneducated, dumb, and believe what the media will spin to them.. soundbytes win elections.. they know that and that’s really what they believe us to be… and you know.. they may be right


  2. Pingback: Tweetstorm Q&A | The Collision Blog

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