I will now paraphrase every Christian “I’m voting for Trump” article so that we can all save some time:
Hello to my faithful readers, blessings to you and your family. This post may come as a surprise. I’ve embraced a great deal of scriptural guidance and prayerful consideration, and the war of convictions stirring in my soul has been overwhelming. To say I’m grieved is an understatement, but by the grace of God I’ve found solace in my choice. After much prayer and painful reflection, I’ve come to a difficult conclusion: the all powerful and sovereign God, with whom all my trust resides, has His limits.
I’ve reached the understanding that this election is a binary choice, and “standing against evil” isn’t an option. Oh, how my heart aches for my country, constantly clinging to that which is evil. Lowering standards with little regard for God’s word, to the point that even I, [Insert someone trusted by thousands… or millions] am forced to lower my standards. Not because I have little regard for God’s word or the trust He has earned, but because I love God’s word and trust Him completely, and I’ll explain how that works some other time… unless I conveniently forget.
So here, my brothers and sisters in Christ, are the carefully thought out reasons why I’m voting for Donald Trump:
– Hillary must never, ever, ever be President. We can’t put something that horrifyingly big on God’s shoulders. The future of America takes precedence over our faithfulness and, quite frankly, sometimes standing for what is right is not optimal. Sometimes being faithful despite our fears isn’t an option. I mean, sure, it’s an option… but ask yourself, what would Moses’ other ten scouts do?
– Hillary is really, really bad, guys.
– I mean it, she’s the worst.
– Abortion is one of the most important reasons why we must vote for Trump. I have a Prolife bumper-sticker, and I mean it. Yes, I’ve thought about the possible victims of Trump’s war crime stance, the refugees, Muslims, immigrants, the possibility of an all out war, and the millions of lives threatened by an egomaniac with his finger on the nuclear button, etc., but after much introspection I’ve found that those lives aren’t as important as the unborn. On a scale of 1 – 10, they’re like a 6… Well, maybe the kids are more like a 6.5, I suppose. Like they’re below those who have to pay increased Obamacare premiums, but like above bakeries that are forced to make homosexual wedding cakes. No, wait, reverse those.
– I really like Mike Pence, and I feel like if I drink multiple bottles of communion wine until I pass out I can dream that he’s the actual President and that his likability matters… at all.
– I really hope Trump hires the best people. And I find that hope when I read Psalm 3: something – something. It doesn’t really relate to this issue, but if I think about him hiring the best people while I read it, I feel quite good about myself.
– The people want Trump, and you should read I Samuel chapters 8 through 12. Riveting story. The people were wrong for demanding Saul, and they were commanded to turn back to the Lord instead. God was all “give them what they want,” and that’s what Samuel did. So I’m just learning from the lesson found in the story and embracing the wrong, just like the people who didn’t turn back to the Lord when they were commanded. Wait, no, I’m Samuel. Or am I Saul? No… Trump’s Saul, right? I’m… wait… no, ignore this story, it has nothing to do with my choice.
– Hillary could do unconstitutional stuff. [Insert list of things Hillary will do to America]. Survival is the most important issue, and we must be faithful unless we’re really scared.
I mean, look at Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.
– It’s imperative that the Republican platform is upheld. By the way, isn’t Jeremiah 29:11 a nice verse?
– It’s imperative that we show the world how dedicated we are to the Lord’s word by pretending it doesn’t exist just this once.
– We must show the victims of sexual assault that it is the people of Christ who are willing to elect the men who attack them.
– We must show the orphan that it is God’s children who are willing to leave them in ruins because, well, the other options are kind of scary.
– We must show minorities that the hands and feet of Christ are willing to slap and kick them if standing up for the innocent threatens to interfere with our gun rights.
So I ask my readers to stand firm in your faith, and put all your fears into the hands of the Savior. Stand against what is evil, stand up for the innocent, and trust in God… Unless times like this come along… You know, unless Hillary Clinton is running for president. If that happens, by all means sacrifice your obedience to Him, forget about Trump’s past victims and potential future victims, and give into fear. It’s the only option we have.
You can trust me on this, I have an Ichthus on my family sedan.
My friends and trusted readers, we can’t just do what’s right and expect God to be faithful in His promises, because that would be terrifying. We must act out of fear knowing that if we’re wrong, God will forgive us.
“Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you.” – 2 Chronicles 20:17
Unfortunately, that verse has nothing to do with you. You’re faced with two evils, and you should pick one. You should be afraid, and discouraged in your stance against wickedness. Go out and take a side with one of the evils, because living under Hillary’s reign of terror will be the worst. Seriously… the worst. I mean, probably worse than any challenge anyone in the Bible has ever faced in a test of faith, so God will totally understand our predicament.
“So then, dear brothers and sisters, be firm (but not too firm). Do not be moved (feel free to move a little)! Always be outstanding in the work of the Lord (unless you’re voting against a lady you’re terrified of), knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord.” – 1 Corinthians 15:58
“When the storm has swept by, the wicked are gone, but the righteous stand firm forever (but do everything in your power – offering your support to the wicked – to keep the control of the storm out of God’s hands).” – Proverbs 10:25
“So give yourselves to God. Stand against the devil (unless it involves the Supreme Court), and he will run away from you.” – James 4:7
“Finally, be strengthened in the Lord and in the strength of his power (Unless Hillary Clinton is running for President, because then God’s all like “you’re on your own”). Clothe yourselves with the full armor of God so that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil (sometimes). For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers (specifically Hillary Clinton), against the powers (Clinton’s powers), against the world rulers of this darkness (specifically the Clintons), against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavens. For this reason, take up the full armor of God so that you may be able to stand your ground on the evil day (or back down, whatevs), and having done everything, to stand (or sit, whatever is more comfortable). Stand firm therefore, by fastening the belt of truth around your waist (unless it interferes with #NeverHillary), by putting on the breastplate of righteousness (That can include supporting a sexual predator, right?).” – Ephesians 6:10-14
So there you have it, friends. I urge you to reflect on the gospel, focus on what we’re taught in the scriptures. What does it say about greed and pride? Listen to how we are commanded to care for the oppressed, absorb the lessons on the fruit of the spirit, and the condemnation of lackadaisical fights against evil. Embrace the commandments of how we are called to treat one another… Yes, that includes refugees, Muslims, women, and minorities. Trust in the one who saves, trust in who He is and the guidance He gives. Think about how God was able to deliver Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego from the furnace of blazing fire, and Daniel from the lion’s den, and you from eternal damnation. And if all that sounds like a stretch, vote for Donald Trump.
Serious note: This is a fantastic video by my friend Samo on how we should be Jesus followers first, conservatives second. Take a look!