Dear “Real Conservatives,” We Need to Talk…

Alright, Guys… We’ve all been listening to the “Freedom Caucus” news, and most are wondering what the ever-loving debacle is about. The heroes of the underground GOP “fight club,” representing all that is good and decent. Blah, blah, blah… We’ve spent the last few months hearing “establishment RINO” more times than we’ve heard our own name, and “amnesty” is now a word that has no real definition. Everyday I troll through Twitter and, without fail, find at least one “real conservative” that I dislike a little more today than I did yesterday, and a little more than I will tomorrow. It’s like when your friend has a child, and it’s adorable, precious, innocent, and you want to cuddle it. Then at three it starts wiping boogers on you and punching the family dog, but you’re like, “well, my friend still loves them, and I guess I should, too. Maybe they’ll grow out of this terrible stage.” Then at six, that little gargoyle kicks you in the shin and locks himself in your car, lays on the horn, eats your pack of Oreos right in front of you like a serial killer, and makes you never want to have children. Suddenly you go from loving the little devil, to realizing that you can love your friend, but also do the right thing by informing her that the bundle of joy she calls “son” might be possessed. Well, “real conservatives,” I need to tell you something about your kid(s). I was on that GOP rebellion train, I wanted more accountability, stronger leadership, etc., but now the rebels are eating my Oreos, and I’m mad.

The Freedom Caucus has lit their torches, gathered their pitchforks, and they’re coming after anyone who doesn’t have a tattoo of Ronald Reagan on their forearm (yet by their standards, Reagan was a RINO). They’re going to gather at the city square and assemble their “RINO” name tags, fully prepared to place them upon the chests of anyone who oppose them. Then they’ll drag those who dissent to their own version of the gulag archipelago, where they’ll be forced to finish off their days making t-shirts that say, “Amnesty Shmamnesty.”  Disagreement is not tolerated, anything but mass deportation is not tolerated, bipartisanship is not tolerated, complimenting someone from another faction of the GOP is not tolerated, working with someone outside of your tight-knit group is not tolerated; basically, doing anything they don’t agree with is, you guessed it, NOT TOLERATED. Wait, who does that sound like?

Oh, yes, the other side.

Last week Trey Gowdy endorsed Paul Ryan, and people almost had a meltdown. Then he said something nice about McCarthy and, well, I was fully prepared to start talking “real conservatives” off ledges. “How, in God’s name, does Trey Gowdy endorse a RINO?!???1!@#!!” Trey Gowdy, a trusted figure in all conservative tribes, trusts a RINO? Gee golly, Beaver, we need to alert the newspaper man. Because see here’s the thing, you can’t endorse anyone that doesn’t fall in line – from top to bottom – with every little, tiny, minuscule belief you hold; may God have mercy on your soul if you step out of line.

So I’ve come to this conclusion: We’re getting played. We’re getting bamboozled. We’re getting the run around. As our party implodes, the Democrats are sitting back laughing. We’re like the most dysfunctional family on the block right now. The neighbors are telling their kids they’re not allowed at our house. Dad’s doing interviews about Mom’s bad attitude, Mom’s sleeping around on Dad, Sister’s over crying in the corner with her feelings hurt, Brother’s watching YouTube videos of Ted Cruz, and little Billy joined a cult that promises to make American great again. To make matters worse, little Billy isn’t even a member of the family, he just showed up one day because he doesn’t have any parents. Instead of calling Child Services, like they should have, someone in the family gave Billy food, and now he’s been using our last name and won’t leave.

Breitbart articles on Rubio are being shared en masse by a group of writers who have decided that the means are justified by a complete implosion of our morals. They’re propping up Donald Trump, meanwhile they’re releasing fear mongering articles on Marco Rubio. According to them, Marco said one thing in English, and another in Spanish, concerning the DACA. An idea that anyone with an ounce of integrity could dismantle in roughly 5 seconds. They’ve done their best to portray him as a “donor class puppet.” They also started the vicious lie that Rubio was the deciding vote for Obamatrade, which was hilarious considering the vote for the TPP had not even happened. You see, the hard right is beginning to tell just as many falsehoods as the leftist media. Andrew Breitbart stood for truth, but now many of the writers who use his name to further their agenda have decided that winning is more important than integrity. That convincing you to support one candidate – also trashing another through obvious lies – is more important than laying out the truth and letting you decide.

Now, disliking some in our own party is part of the political game, and it’s okay to not like certain politicians – or all of them for that matter. I rant about politicians more than most, and can hold a grudge rather firmly. However, we’ve entered the realm of the kamikaze, and that’s not okay.

Let me explain:

I’m tired of seeing YouTube videos of Ted Cruz’s latest diatribe on what’s wrong in America. They do me no good, and I’m going to be really angry if I only have those to fall back on during Hillary’s inauguration, or worse, Biden’s inauguration. I’m tired of theatrics, I want change. I want discussions. I want actions, not words. I want something tangible, I want plans, I want more than just emotionally dazzling YouTube video clips to hand over to future generations. You see, I may not disagree with every word coming out of the mouths of the Freedom Caucus and Tea Party tribal chiefs, but the facts are, they’re not making a positive change, they’re demanding conformity. “My way or the highway!” And it’s gone FAR beyond the wishes of the average conservative citizen.

*Everyone reading this who has a photo of an eagle with a glitter tear drop saved on their phone just said, “THEY’RE DEMANDING THE WISHES OF THE PEOPLE!”* Nope.

I’m just going to note three lines that have made me want to rip my hair out just this weekend. I could add more, but I’m not writing a book here.

“Conservatives all want deportation! Those who support anything else are RINOs!”

Now, this particular one has come up again due to the fact that everyone is going there with every candidate. It’s like people hear a name and immediately go to Siri:

“Siri, does Paul Ryan want to round up every illegal immigrant in the country and send them to the Island from Lost?” 

“I don’t understand the question.” 

“Close enough, clearly he’s a RINO. Let’s get this article up on Breitbart.” 

Is that the litmus test now? Like unless they pretend that mass deportation is possible, they can’t possibly be of quality? I mean, if you want to bring up other issues, I’m all about discussing politicians. However, if you start adding “amnesty” to their name, when I know where they stand on immigration, I’m going to stop listening to you. More importantly, do all conservatives want mass deportation? Nope. According to a recent Pew poll, the majority of conservatives align more with Reagan, GWB, and Rubio concerning immigration:

So… If you’re speaking on behalf of The People, it sounds like The People would rather have a way for illegal immigrants to stay here legally. Let’s also make this clear, Paul Ryan and Marco Rubio don’t support amnesty. Wait, Romney and Bush don’t support amnesty either. Actually, the vast majority of conservatives don’t support amnesty, they support a logical answer, and mass deportation is not logical.

“Only Ted Cruz has a record of standing up to Washington!”

I don’t hate the man, but in reality, he stopped “standing up to Washington” the day Donald Trump entered the race (some say before). And – yes, I’m going to knowingly add insult to injury – that’s when we actually needed him. He has openly stood by Trump regardless of whether he truly agrees with him or not, that’s not “standing by your principles.”

“I’ve sung his praises. He’s bold, he’s brash, and I think the support he’s gaining right now in the polls is because people are looking for someone willing to stand up to Washington.”

So we can either admit to the fact that Ted Cruz supports an individual who has been funding the Washington mob for the majority of his career, and continues to tout policies that would only grow Washington’s power, or we admit that he’s an opportunist who is taking advantage of voters by pandering to the most liberal quasi-democrat who ever stole a conservative badge; the former would prove he sides with Washington, the latter would prove that he’s as dirty a politician as the next.

The truth that Ted Cruz supporters don’t want to admit, is that Ted Cruz could have made his bravest push against Washington by telling conservatives the truth about Donald Trump – it was his moment to shine and truly stand for conservative principles. Instead he cleaned off that blue paint and told the Sons of Scotland that he wasn’t the great William Wallace. Here we are, dealing with pandering and a shiny brand new YouTube video of an impassioned speech to share with friends. No thank you. If I want to get emotionally stirred by a speech on freedom, I’ll watch Braveheart. Sell it to someone else, Ted.

“The Freedom Caucus is the answer to our problems!!”

A. Don’t kid yourself. As someone on Twitter so brilliantly put it, the Freedom Caucus is the dog that finally caught the car.

B. You know what they’ve shown? They’ve shown that they want chaos, blood, and piles and piles of bodies. They’ve stormed into camp, lit the place on fire, and now have no evacuation plan. They’re the angry girlfriend who got drunk, keyed “cheater” into her boyfriend’s vintage ’65 Mustang, and then passed out. She has NO idea that in due time, she’s going to be praying to the porcelain with a pounding headache as the cops are banging on her door. As they drag the carcass of McCarthy’s political career through the streets, it would behoove them to remember from the last election that We The People have a larger body count.

The all or nothing mentality will only get you so far, and for them to get their way at all, they still have to work with the majority. That is, of course, unless they simply wish to pillage and rape the GOP. The people of this country have a burning anger towards Congress, mainly because they’ve gotten very little accomplished. However, it would serve us well to remember that little can be accomplished in the hostile environment that is the White House. That said, if you want to play hardball, you better come with a plan that doesn’t involve dousing the place with gasoline and lighting a match. That crap may fly with the Right’s own brand of low-info voters, but it doesn’t work on the rest of us. Strategy and plans will land us in the White House and The House, where we need to be for change to happen. Revenge and dramatic escapades will keep us in this same downward spiral.

One brilliant strategist put our current issue in perspective:

“Leadership is to blame for never identifying any hill worth dying on. Freedom Caucus types to blame for only being interested in dying”

I suggest we put down the tar and feathers and start acting like adults, because if we don’t, be ready for the Mistress of Darkness or Uncle Joe.  It’s pretty simple; nobody gets to have everything their way. If we’d all realize that, we’d begin moving forward. So, if everyone can just stop being jackwagons, that’d be great.

UPDATE: Brittany Pounders, with Liberty Juice, wrote a wonderful follow-up that addresses the failed leadership aspect of the problem we’re facing. Check it out here!