2016 Election Autopsy Report

Today is November 9th, 2016. Here I sit with my cup of coffee, scrolling through photos of Hillary celebrating her win. I shouldn’t torture myself in such a way, but I want to feel this loss. After such a long and difficult year in politics -after losing friends, gaining friends, and embracing the inevitable – I want to feel the sting of fruition and closure. On January 20th, a woman who escaped federal charges by the skin on her teeth will be sworn in as President of The United States, forever changing and belittling such a position of authority… and it’s our fault. This should have been the easiest election yet, but we failed.

Ted Cruz gave a touching concession speech, and it was early enough for me to attempt to get sleep I knew wouldn’t be coming. The election results were not a landslide, per se, but no one would be second guessing the conclusion. Cruz graciously thanked the voters who backed him, and the people who worked tirelessly for his campaign. Tears fell, hopes were dashed, but he moved the crowd by saying that he would continue to fight for liberty, the Constitution, and for the people of this country. However, his words served as only a balm, and the wound he wished to heal with said words instead requires surgery, staples, countless sutures, and intubation; truth be told, it’s apparent to everyone that we’re on life support.

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The Only #GOPDebate Recap You Need

Last night there was a debate.

Donald Trump said stupid things.

Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz said smart things, and both won depending on who you talk to.

John Kasich is irrelevant.

And viewers felt like this:

Thank you for reading my debate recap, I hope it was informative.

You’re welcome.

Aragorn is a uniter. Aragorn is smart. Be like Aragorn.

WARNING: It’s about to get super nerdy all up in here.

As many of you are aware, I’m a bookworm, and J. R. R. Tolkien is a god in the literary world. So, of course, he created one of the greatest unifying characters of all time: Aragorn. I’m overwhelmed with great sadness over the fact that Aragorn is unfamiliar to many, and while I’m also rather disheartened that Khan may be a foreign name, as well, I’ll do my best to give a quick synopsis of their characters without going into incredible detail.

Disclosure: No, I’m not saying that Ted Cruz is Khan, nor that Marco Rubio is Aragorn. For example, I don’t think Rubio has killed any Uruk-hai and, quite frankly, I think we can all agree that we don’t want to see Ted Cruz in the bare-chested Wrath of Khan wardrobe. I’m just noting a few similarities in leadership techniques, and bringing some levity to the discussion because the current state of politics makes me want to curl up in a ball with a chocolate cake and regency era novels, and sob.

Khan Noonien Singh: Think Ricardo Montalban, not Cumberbatch. I may have picked this character because I could then refer to Ted Cruz as an “augmented human,” but as it turns out, the comparison fits quite nicely as a whole. In the very beginning, Khan is a fairly decent being; he comes across as kind, calm, gracious, but yet disregards the wants of others. Kirk even referred to him as “the best of the tyrants,” but also as the “most dangerous.” After being marooned on a “barren sandheap,” he led a revolt for the blind pursuit of revenge. Khan was indeed a villain, but he never saw himself as a villain, he felt as though he was righteously angry and deserving of revenge – he felt it was the right thing to do, you might say. His followers were dedicated and blinded themselves to his faults, as well as the danger an alliance with him induced, and they remained loyal because he was superior to normal humans. Ted Cruz followers offer this same level of oblivious loyalty; they trust him – despite blatant character scruples – so everyone should trust him.

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All We Need is a Ringleader, & a Few Less Clowns…

Well, here I am, fashionably late. I know you’ve probably read all the GOP debate recaps you can possibly handle, but give me a chance to rock your world… or waste a solid 10 minutes of your life. I wrote a debate recap for another blog earlier today, and I reserved some of my meanest criticism for this post. I’m sure that everyone else who blogs there is probably happy with that choice. However, I’m going to put a little twist on the situation and discuss the entire race as a whole, and mainly note a few things I’m mulling over now that this debate is in the books.

Okay, let’s be honest, this is going to be one giant – albeit fun – rabbit trail.

So here we go:

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“Stop Being A Political Cannibal!”: FYI – I Embrace That Label

The CNN GOP Debate took place last night. Or as I like to call it, “Best In Show: Political Edition.”

Once again, we were gifted with a few more examples of Ted Cruz’s burgeoning lack of integrity. Cruz spent the evening catapulting baseless attacks at Camp Rubio, but when asked about Donald Trump he did the verbal equivalent of fleeing the country and going under Witness Protection to escape the threat of losing the overrated vote of Trump’s cultist ilk. It was moderately infuriating, and I think Leon Wolf with Red State put it better than I can:

It’s not just that Cruz disagreed with Rubio. It’s that his disagreement was laced with biting sarcasm and personal attacks. For many (if not most) of us who are not already in Camp Trump, Rubio is considered to be an acceptable choice for the nomination (if not our first), and only a fool would not concede that he presents the best chance in the general to defeat Hillary. Watching a guy who’s turned turtle repeatedly to a fake conservative insult comic, only to turn around and show some fighting spirit against a guy who is actually conservative was a little hard to stomach.

While Ted Cruz blatantly lied to his faithful following, Marco Rubio was honest about certain positions he’s held throughout his political career, even if they don’t sell well to the rage driven faction of quasi-conservatives.

Example:

CRUZ: Look, I understand Marco wants to raise confusion, it is not accurate what he just said that I supported legalization. Indeed, I led the fight against his legalization and amnesty. And you know, there was one commentator that put it this way that, for Marco to suggest our record’s the same is like suggesting “the fireman and the arsonist because they are both at the scene of the fire.”

The truth? Take a moment to watch this video of Ted Cruz supporting legalization:

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Dear Conservative Talking Heads, We Need to Talk…

I recently wrote a blog addressed to “real conservatives,” now I’m going to address their weird, quasi-cult ring leaders. I’m talking about Hannity, Ingraham, Levin, Coulter, Rush, Drudge, etc… If Anchorman taught us anything, it was clearly that those in the news can be really, really stupid.

Paul Ryan is expected to be voted in as speaker tomorrow, and the third GOP debate will take place tonight. Countless conservatives will watch on Twitter as their favorite conservative celebrity commentators live tweet their opinions on Ryan, or simply highlight what they feel is pertinent in the debate. In the coming days, these “leaders” will give their opinions to their faithful following, and many will take their words rather seriously when judging the candidates themselves, or Ryan’s ability to do the job of speaker. The problem is that many of them have become no better than DailyKos, Salon, and the like, in terms of telling us the unbiased truth.

If I can bring myself to complement Trump on one thing, and one thing only, he has separated those of good character from frauds.

The con artists from the decent.

The hustlers from the trustworthy.

The swindlers and charlatans from those who still have some semblance of dignity.

He put juicy steaks on display and waited for the wolves to relieve themselves of their costumes. And they did. En masse. This comes at a time when conservative media is following the trend of click bait journalism. Even a lot of well known – trusted sources – have turned the direction of fishing for readers.

“You won’t believe what Obama said…”

“Bet they didn’t see this one coming!”

“I couldn’t believe it until I saw it!”

This gets you readers, but it gets you the kind of readers who are only interested in the shock and awe articles. Articles like “LFP at a 35 year low” aren’t going to get the clicks they want, and that’s what it’s all about these days. However, articles like “Paul Ryan will burn down the House and take you with him, here’s why….” will bring a tsunami wave of clicks from those who no longer want things fixed, but instead want revenge.

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