“Feeling Shifted by Trey Gowdy Is Not a Platform!” & Other Fun Facts

UPDATED!

On Saturday morning I awoke to a changed world. I felt the shift, the pull of the earth into the darkness of a widening black hole eager to swallow us. The sky was black, and as my neighbors embraced each other for the coming end, I let out a tearful cry to the heavens…

Just kidding.

I mean, you would have thought that’s what was happening. In reality, Trey Gowdy was just confirmed as the “special guest” who would be campaigning with Marco Rubio. We’ve known for quite a while that Trey was a fan of Rubio, but I guess for some it was like having an interest in someone they knew was interested in someone else, and then falling apart when they learned their person of interest was engaged to another woman.

It’s like a group of teenage girls who have just been broken up with; half of them cry into their journals and eat a gallon of ice cream, the other half downplay the significance of their relationship, and after a few days of crying and downplaying they all eventually move on to anger.

Ice cream and journals:

https://twitter.com/Mike_USPatriot/status/681463744157892608

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Donald Trump: The Magic 8 Ball

“He’s loud, he’s proud, and he creates jobs!” The man, the myth, the reason why I might start drinking.

As I think back to the 2008 election, one moment in particular stands out; the moment in which I felt the most heartbroken and disappointed in the direction our country was heading. Before the results were ever tallied I listened to the exit poll interviews, and I remember hearing the crowds chant over the charismatic nature of the Democrat candidate, Barack Obama. I heard nary a word on what he planned to do to our country; the bowl of blithering nonsense before me was just a culmination of free phones, free contraceptives, charisma, and the color of his skin. I remember thinking, “This man is going to win, and no one knows what he stands for, they just know that he’s a celebrity and the right color. At least I know that I’m on the right side of history, the side that cares enough about issues to truly study our candidates.”

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