Trump Tirades, Angry Conservatives, and the Rubio Requirement

Trigger warning: This is not a very nice post.

Everyone is angry.

We get it.

“I’M A PATRIOT!”

“I WANT MY COUNTRY BACK!”

“NO MORE MUSLIMS!”

“NO MORE MEXICANS!”

“NO MORE AMNESTY!”

“NO MORE CUCKSERVATIVES!”

“NO MORE RINOS!”

“NO MORE ESTABLISHMENT GOP!”

“ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!”

We can tell you’re ready to do what it takes to “steal back your country,” especially when you share that “THIS IS MY COUNTRY, AND I’LL FIGHT FOR IT! SHARE IF YOU AGREE!” photo on Facebook. Is your eagle tattoo tingling? Did someone light up the patriot signal into the moonlit sky? Is the world desperately awaiting that Facebook rant about dirty establishment politicians? Quick! Someone said that legalizing illegal immigrants under certain conditions is a viable option, they need your one-liner in the comments section!

“The people, they need me.”

“There… that’s better.”

The problem is that you’re angry with no real target, so you’re just haphazardly shooting into the fog; hoping that you’ll have something dead to bring home to your own version of big daddy government. You’re blasting away at anything that has a pulse because you don’t know what you want to annihilate, you just know you want to annihilate something. You’re like a toddler throwing a fit because your mom won’t buy you a real unicorn… But you’re an adult, so it’s not cute.

You have no idea what “establishment,” “RINO,” “amnesty,” or “rights,” even mean anymore. Your ability to define terms accurately is dead, incinerated, and buried. You’ve already lost, because you’ve lost all sense of what brought you to conservatism in the first place. The left won the battle for your political dignity when you became everything they accuse you of being.

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How To Deport Over 11 Million People & Still Retain Your Soul

So there you are with well over 11 million illegal immigrants, and you need to rid yourself of them in a timely manner, but as the Grim Reaper taps his freshly sharpened scythe upon the door of your soul, you know you must tread lightly –  Avoid the Salmon Mousse!

If you recognize the above scene, we can be friends.

So how do you do it? Well, in the ever brilliant theory of Sir. Donald Trump, you rip families apart and displace them in a humane manner – and you do it within 18-24 months. Ignore the oxymoron. According to Ann Coulter, it’s pretty simple.

“Look up Dwight Eisenhower’s. It was called ‘Operation Wetback.’ He started at the border, the troops moved north, they knew the businesses and they knew the homes. They went in and deported them,” said Coulter, who is known for being brash.

“And by the way, Donald Trump, yeah he’s right, you should go after the criminals. I’d go after the law abiding ones to send the message. Law abiding! They are not law abiding if they are illegal immigrants,” she added. “They get the message and then you do what Mitt Romney was saying: enforce e-verify. Make sure only Americans can get jobs. They get the message. They leave on their own.”

We’ll do it humanely by scaring them into fleeing the country. Well, Ann Coulter, thank you for that breath of fresh dysentery.

In reality, the numbers are probably much higher, but at minimum we are sitting around 11.5 million undocumented immigrants. So, I’m going to be generous to the pugnacious pro-deportation militants in terms of numbers, because I can still get my point across. Let’s round down the number of illegal immigrants to 11 million, and let’s take advantage of the longer end of the timeline, two years. That means we need to deport roughly 15,068 immigrants every day. Now, just for fun, let’s say 1/4 of them up and leave willingly. That brings us down to 8.25 million people to deport in total, and we need to heave-ho 11,301 individuals every day, including weekends and holidays; Justice never sleeps, nor does it celebrate Jesus’ birth.

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