The Collision Blog

How To Deport Over 11 Million People & Still Retain Your Soul — November 18, 2015

How To Deport Over 11 Million People & Still Retain Your Soul

So there you are with well over 11 million illegal immigrants, and you need to rid yourself of them in a timely manner, but as the Grim Reaper taps his freshly sharpened scythe upon the door of your soul, you know you must tread lightly –  Avoid the Salmon Mousse!

If you recognize the above scene, we can be friends.

So how do you do it? Well, in the ever brilliant theory of Sir. Donald Trump, you rip families apart and displace them in a humane manner – and you do it within 18-24 months. Ignore the oxymoron. According to Ann Coulter, it’s pretty simple.

“Look up Dwight Eisenhower’s. It was called ‘Operation Wetback.’ He started at the border, the troops moved north, they knew the businesses and they knew the homes. They went in and deported them,” said Coulter, who is known for being brash.

“And by the way, Donald Trump, yeah he’s right, you should go after the criminals. I’d go after the law abiding ones to send the message. Law abiding! They are not law abiding if they are illegal immigrants,” she added. “They get the message and then you do what Mitt Romney was saying: enforce e-verify. Make sure only Americans can get jobs. They get the message. They leave on their own.”

We’ll do it humanely by scaring them into fleeing the country. Well, Ann Coulter, thank you for that breath of fresh dysentery.

In reality, the numbers are probably much higher, but at minimum we are sitting around 11.5 million undocumented immigrants. So, I’m going to be generous to the pugnacious pro-deportation militants in terms of numbers, because I can still get my point across. Let’s round down the number of illegal immigrants to 11 million, and let’s take advantage of the longer end of the timeline, two years. That means we need to deport roughly 15,068 immigrants every day. Now, just for fun, let’s say 1/4 of them up and leave willingly. That brings us down to 8.25 million people to deport in total, and we need to heave-ho 11,301 individuals every day, including weekends and holidays; Justice never sleeps, nor does it celebrate Jesus’ birth.

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Syrian Refugees: Have We Lost Our Decency? — November 16, 2015

Syrian Refugees: Have We Lost Our Decency?

I’m going to start this blog post with a fact I’m not proud of: I’m conflicted.

Most of the time I study an issue until I’m blue in the face, then come to a conclusion, and finally type out my opinions for any unfortunate soul who stumbles upon my posts. I’m alright with those that disagree, and I adore open discussions and feedback, but usually I have a reasonable level of confidence in my position before I type it out. This is different.

I haven’t said much about Syrian refugees, because to be honest the opinions I have are probably not the most popular at this point. The only post I wrote on the refugees was a story about a capsized ship, and it barely touched on politics. However, yesterday I watched the posts flood my Facebook – my news feed was disturbing and heart wrenching. People are angry, and understandably so, but I hope those who read this understand where my heart is upon its completion, even if they disagree.

I spent two hour on Sunday night just scrolling through photos and bios of those killed in Paris, and as my heart broke I prayed that it would not also harden. This blind rage seems to me to be misdirected for so many, and I never want to be consumed by the anger I so often witness. I try to share my opinions and conclusions in a lighthearted matter, and in an inviting way, and I refuse to let my heart be filled with hatred towards those that oppose me.

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Rubio, Cruz, and The Heretic Hunters — November 10, 2015

Rubio, Cruz, and The Heretic Hunters

*Updated with information on Rubio and Cruz immigration beliefs*

I had a conversation on politics and religion with my Mom during a shopping trip on Sunday, which gave me the idea for this post. We don’t always agree on every issue, and while Ben Carson is not my choice, she finds him “refreshingly genuine.” We talked, we disagreed, and then we moved on and had an unhealthy amount of carbohydrates at Olive Garden.

See, I don’t even pretend to agree with my own mother.

She’s a fan of sarcasm with a purpose, but not snark, per se. I try to mold my posts around those ideals since I know she’s not alone. I once watched my mother’s eye twitch when Michelle Malkin said, “He’s just a lying liar who lies” while bobbing her head back and forth in teenage girl fashion – it physically caused my mother pain. So, alas, I try to infuse my posts with calmly delivered sarcasm, but try to stay far away from snot-nosed attitudinal snark.

It is because of her dislike of such news personalities that I really didn’t watch them growing up, and I didn’t start watching them once I became an adult. I’ve never made it through an entire episode of Kelly File, Hannity, nor the O’Reilly Factor. I haven’t even watched an entire news program in over 4 years, and if there’s a segment I want to see, I wait until the clip hits YouTube. It’s my way of controlling the narratives that flourish in a media filled environment, and how they mold my opinions. I think Fox News is just as bad as the rest, and I’ve watched more Daily Show in the last three years than I’ve watched of the right leaning network, but my convictions and conservative beliefs remained intact.

Imagine that…

The truth is that the right leaning love child of Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert would be my spirit animal.To the point: My anti-political Mother did more to teach me about politics than most political leaders. No matter what program I watched, or who I related to the most, what they said didn’t have to align with what I believed, and conforming to their opinions without research was out of the question. It was my job to go beyond their one-liners to find the truth. She’s always leaned conservative, but she’s always hated conservative pundits and talking heads. I guess that’s why I find it easy to say I disagree with them. Put more stock into what you believe than what they believe, and don’t let them sway your beliefs – that’s the ultimate goal. This is why I read my news online – for the most part – from various sources. I make sure that the words match actions. That’s why I can watch Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert and say, “well, that was a dumb statement,” and on another topic say, “wait, I agree with that!” It’s also why I can hear, “Ted Cruz is the perfect choice!” from every high profile “conservative” news personality, and also know it’s rubbish.

She also taught me that drinking cake batter out of a mug every once in a while can make bad days tolerable.

Thanks, Mom!

So, why the focus on Ted Cruz? Well, I’ve mentioned my growing dislike of him in a handful of recent posts, and I always get the same type of comments in response:

“Loved the post, but disagree with your opinions on Ted Cruz.” 

“Ted Cruz is a patriot, but I agree with the rest!”

“I liked this post until I got to the Ted Cruz portion, then I stopped reading.” 

Well, guys, Ted Cruz isn’t all he’s cracked up to be. Now, you may make the choice to stop reading, or you can hear me out and then interact and tell me why you disagree with my assessment, or where I’m wrong.

Don’t worry, I won’t call you a “lying liar who lies.” Having our opinions challenged is healthy!

A couple rules to remember:

  • If you can’t build a strong defense of your stance, go back to the drawing board.
  • If you’re scared of opposing opinions, it’s probably for good reason.

“Victorious warriors win first and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first and then seek to win” ― Sun Tzu

I love politics, I like to talk politics, I like to study politics, I like to debate politics, but I eschew those who have no interest in a conversation and merely wish to stab their pitchforks into the throat of anything that doesn’t involve groupthink simply because they don’t like opposition. Ted Cruz is the Emperor of the Groupthink Utopia, and he knows it. The subtlety of his manipulation is staggering in that people are completely blind to it.

“As I look at the race, historically, there have been two major lanes in the Republican primary. There’s been a moderate lane and a conservative lane,” Cruz told CNN on Thursday. “Marco is certainly formidable in that lane. I think the Jeb [Bush] campaign seems to view Marco as his biggest threat in the moderate lane.”

As mild as that seems, Ted Cruz knew exactly what he was doing there. He knows, for a fact, that Rubio is not “moderate,” but the term is a buzzword for the heretic hunters. He’s well aware that the purity pursuers are waiting in the shadows.

“We have found a witch!
“How do you know she is a witch?”
“She looks like one!”
“Bring her forward.”
“I’m not a witch!”
“But you’re dressed like one!”
“They dressed me up like this! And this isn’t my nose, it’s a false one.”
“Well, we did the nose… and the hat… but she is a witch…”
“Did you dress her up like this?”
“NO! Yes. A bit. But she’s got a wart!”

Suddenly they’re throwing Marco Rubio on a scale to see if he’s heavier than a duck, and they all do the equivalent of screaming “burn him, burn him!” In the end they all look like morons measuring the weight of Marco Rubio to a duck, but that damage will be done. Meanwhile, Ted Cruz remains above reproach for simply making an innocent little comment. Then he plays nice with the only “Republican” truly advocating for big government, even going so far as to applaud his inclusion in the race. Once again, his admirers scream, “He’s just trying to get along with everyone!” And just like that, he gathers the gross underbelly of the conservative movement to do his bidding without even putting in an official request or writing a check. 

Some have told me, “That’s why I love him! He’s so strategic!” I look at them sideways and turn the filter on high, “So you like a man who will lie and pander his way into the White House, and you don’t care as long as he gets to the White House?” (Yes, that’s the filtered version.) Without skipping a beat they condescendingly reply as the flag is raised within their hearts, and the bubbling patriotism stings as gentle tears tug at their eyes, “Yes, because we need a man of principle in the White House, no matter what it takes to get him there.”

“Hello, Life Alert? Yes, I seem to have tripped and fallen on my own sword, and I can’t get up!”

*Raises hand* Say, I don’t want to cause a kerfuffle here, but wouldn’t a man of principle be honest with voters about conservative positions, candidates, and logical options? And wouldn’t a true seeker of a principled candidate look for someone with, say, I don’t know… principles?

“Burn her! Burn her! She weighs more than a duck, which means she’s a witch!”

Yes, it is that silly. Yes, this new brand of politics is a trend.

Last week I wrote a post on O’Reilly and George Will, and the poor portrait of Ronald Reagan put on paper by O’Reilly. I had more feedback against George Will and O’Reilly loyalists than I had concerning the book. People private messaged me the entire backstory of George Will, yet didn’t address the valid points he made concerning Ronald Reagan and a book that did its best to drag Reagan’s name through the ghettos of gossip stained conservatism. It was more important to hunt the heretic than to unite and call out the character assassination of an upstanding man. An upstanding man who once said, “If we agree 75 percent of the time, you’re my 75 percent friend, not my 25 percent enemy.”

It was the equivalent of someone standing next to me at a crash site having this conversation:

“You know that cop who’s saying that burning car is on fire? Yeah… He’s a jerk. Don’t believe a word he says.”
“You mean when he says the car is on fire?”
“Yes! Don’t trust what he says about the car.”
“You mean that car right there, the one completely engulfed in flames?”
“Yes, that cop is a charlatan. Don’t trust him.”
“But the…Ummm, the car is literally right there, in front of us, on f….”
“I hate that lying liar who lies.”

I highly recommend reading this article. It does a superb job of pointing out that Reagan himself appointed moderate Republicans like Richard Schweiker and Margaret Heckler, while moderates like Silvio Conte, Jim Leach, Mark Hatfield, Bob Packwood, etc., were House members, and they got a lot accomplished by coming to agreements. George Will did come up against those militantly fighting against GOP members, and at the time I thought he was wrong, now I wonder if he knew where it would lead.

The author of the above noted article also notes what he believes it means to be a conservative, which is a much needed reminder today.

I believe that to be a conservative is to be for limited government. Personal freedom. The rule of law. The Constitution, and adherence to it. Federalism. Equality under the law. Equality of opportunity. Relatively light taxation. Relatively light regulation. Free enterprise. Property rights. Free trade. Civil society. The right to work. A strong defense. National security. National sovereignty. Human rights. A sound, non-flaky educational curriculum. School choice. A sensible stewardship over the land, as opposed to extreme environmentalism. Pluralism. Colorblindness. Toleration. E pluribus unum. Patriotism. Our Judeo-Christian heritage. Western civilization.

I want to throw in, too, the right to life. (I have said, over the years, “Show me where a man stands on abortion and Israel, and you have shown me all I need to know.”)

Now, it could be that I have simply declared what I believe in and called it “conservatism.” And I have no doubt that I’ve forgotten a few important things, as my critics on the right will no doubt tell me.

However, as I’ve said countless times before, “real conservatives” no longer want facts, they want anger. They want George Will up to his nose in hatred, tar, and feathers. Which brings me back to the incredibly wise words of a very conservative Sen. Mike Lee:

“But however justified, frustration is not a platform. Anger is not an agenda. And outrage, as a habit, is not even conservative. Outrage, resentment, and intolerance are gargoyles of the Left. For us, optimism is not just a message — it’s a principle. American conservatism, at its core, is about gratitude, and cooperation, and trust, and above all hope.”

A conservative like me is everything these frustrated, angry, outraged, selective puritans hate. I support small government, which means I’m against anything leaning towards overreach – including no-knock raids, civil asset forfeiture, and a military-esque police force. I support candidates like Paul Ryan, because he realizes that to get things done we need to work together, to a degree. I have liberal friends, and I hear them out and take the time to explain my position. I research the facts behind their blessed, anointed candidates, and I declare them unfit for the monuments their faithful and determined followers erect in their name. I do my own research and find their labels laughable, at best. I can’t stand fear mongering, trendy politics, and canned answers. The list goes on, and on, and on.

But above all, I don’t worship Ted Cruz simply because he tweeted out the Bill of Rights, made Machine Gun Bacon, or enjoys being disliked by people like me.

Ted Cruz gains his support not by things he’s accomplished, but because he constantly says he’s proud to stand in defiance against those he thinks simply object to a true patriot. Those his followers assume object to a conservative loving, gun rights advocating, freedom preaching, honesty oriented, individual rights advocating, Reaganite patriot like him.

Wait, maybe he’s right… let’s take our country back!

Because that’s how true patriots roll in America, land of the free!

And God Bless America, and God Bless all her people!

*Starts humming Lee Greenwood*

And before you know it, he hits the patriotic nerve. I love my country just as much as you do, Ted supporters, but I’m not prone to emotional highs from speeches specifically designed to cause emotional highs. His patriotic words will never blind me to his inconsistencies, and while I can acknowledge when he’s right, I’m also not willing to play his game.

That said, I have a handful of questions for Ted:

Is it “moderate” to be 100% pro-gun?

Is it moderate to be 100% Pro-Life?

What about being an advocate for personal freedoms?

What about standing for national sovereignty and security?

What about wanting to secure the border?

What about wanting logical immigration reform?

What about supporting Kate’s Law?

Oh, so those aren’t moderate positions? Wait, wait, I know what you’re thinking, Ted… Marco supports an increase in H-1B visas, and while it’s highly misunderstood and blown out of proportion by people like yourself – including the fact that your followers always forget to add his belief that the abuse of the system must be corrected first – maybe you have a point. Especially with short attention span voters. And, let’s be honest here, Ted, we’re not in the mood to accept changes to anyone’s opinions, unless they’re named “Trump.” The fact that Marco walked away from the Gang of Eight because they weren’t interested in ending sanctuary cities, nor securing the border to his standards, is irrelevant. I mean, ANY support of H-1B visas, and any willingness to work with the Go8 should absolutely bury Rubio, and forever label him a moderate. Right, Ted?

WASHINGTON, DC – U.S. Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) today presented an amendment to the Gang of Eight immigration bill that would improve our nation’s legal immigration system by increasing high-skilled temporary worker visas, called H-1B visas, by 500 percent.

What the hell, Ted?

Final questions: Is it conservative to refuse to work with others, to banish reaching across the aisle? Is it conservative to support an oligarchy-esque set of ideals where some representatives are silenced by a minority of people who play “my way or high way” games?

Take your time answering… I’ll be over here campaigning for Marco Rubio, a man who is more conservative than Ronald Reagan, a man who offers logical reforms, not just goosebumps and mic drops. A conservative that, quite frankly, puts your so called “principles” to shame.

UPDATE: I wanted to include Rubio’s immigration plan in this post, as well as previous Cruz remarks on illegal immigrants.

Rubio’s plan:

immigration Immigration2

Now, Cruz has been trying to separate himself from Rubio by framing the narrative to look like Rubio supports amnesty, when the above clearly shows this to be a falsehood. However, how did Cruz feel about those already in the country back in 2013?

Hmmm… So, you mean, something like allowing them to apply for a temporary non-immigrant visa? See, the truth of the matter is that Cruz’s immigration stance, at least until he saw the crowds migrating towards Trump, is almost identical to Marco’s stance.

Donald Trump Speaking at CPAC, ACU Claims They’re Still Conservative — November 5, 2015

Donald Trump Speaking at CPAC, ACU Claims They’re Still Conservative


CPAC, as most of you know, is an annual conference for conservative activists, hosted by the American Conservative Union, better known as the ACU. The Chairman of the ACU is a man by the name of Matt Schlapp. Now, in recent years, CPAC has been leaning more left, but they just made their most left leaning move by confirming Donald Trump as a speaker. After being questioned yesterday and today, the Chairman has evaded question after question in regards to the principles behind the allegedly “conservative” ACU and their recent decision involving the Lord of Darkness.

In other news, Brittany Pounders (founder of Liberty Juice) and I will probably never, ever be allowed at CPAC.


On Wednesday morning, Trump, Cruz, and Fiorina were confirmed as speakers for CPAC, happening in March of 2016.

Oh the jubilation. Go fetch the good Sherry, Niles!


So of course, being the person of restraint that I am, I tweeted out a sincere note of admiration for the glorious news.

The exchange that followed began fairly well, he was clearly trying to defuse any animosity I may have been projecting over the inclusion of Trump.

Tweet I attached:

So, to condense the above:

The ACU believes property rights are foundational to our democracy.

Trump doesn’t.

ACU Chairman refuses to affirm that Trump’s progressive stances go against what the ACU believes.

Donald Trump on Healthcare:

“The government’s gonna pay for it [healthcare].”

Donald Trump on Eminent Domain:

“Eminent domain is wonderful.”

You don’t even have to read into The Trump’s quotes, they’re perfectly clear. He’s repeatedly praised Canadian Healthcare, single payer systems, and socialized medicine as a whole. He is an open supporter of unnecessary eminent domain cases, and has praised the Kelo case, which involved the bulldozing of homes at the behest of a money hungry developer. To add insult to injury, after the homes were bulldozed, nothing happened on the land that was freed for what they claimed would be “economic development.”

Trump’s position on both issues is rather clear, yet the Chairman of the ACU refused to answer a simple yes or no question: “So then do you agree that Donald Trump’s progressive beliefs go against what the ACU believes?”

Enter Brittany.

And then there was this:

Two questions. Pretty simple, right? They went unanswered throughout the evening. This morning we tried to remind him that he still needed to answer our questions. Surely they were just forgotten, not ignored, right?

It seems petty to drag this Twitter exchange into a blog, but honestly, these are the people who are leaders in the conservative movement. The ACU can’t answer one question, because the only answers available expose them as phonies or panderers.

Therein lies the rub, if he affirmed that Trump’s progressive ideals don’t align with the ACU, he’ll get on Trump’s bad side. For some reason, Trump has his thumb on a vast number of “conservative” pundits, journalists, and leaders, and their defense of him is becoming so blatantly apparent that it’s stomach turning. Now, if he had said that Trump’s policies do align with the ACU, he would have to explain how a so called conservative organization is now in support of socialist healthcare and removing property rights.

And don’t you think a question concerning a donation made to a 501c3 organization could have been a simple yes/no answer, as well? Or is it possible that there’s a little bit of guilt, shame, and a financial benefit wrapped up in a delicious evasion sandwich? Unfortunately such a sandwich is sure to bring on a wild case of dyspepsia soon after it’s ingested.

Now that’s just my simple minded pondering, but his inability to answer a question doesn’t speak well to the existence of an answer that points to upstanding conservative principles in the ACU. Maybe, just maybe, the ticket sales and coverage of anything Trump touches is enough to bend the proclivities of the ACU enough to invite a big government, democrat supporting, progressive policy pushing jackwagon to their event? Both assumptions could be correct, or wildly off base. I mean, maybe they stared into Trump’s eyes for too long and this is all legitimate excitement via the cultish Donald phenomenon we’ve been witnessing, but we just can’t know because they just won’t answer.

Sure, they’ve been abandoning bits and pieces of conservatism for a while now, but isn’t it time that conservatives hold them accountable? I sincerely hope CPAC 2016 is chocked full of people like this:

You heard it straight from the horse’s mouth, we need to win. Apparently that means any quasi-democrat with a speech about big walls and mass deportation gets to be labeled a conservative. My how the mighty have fallen. If this is how you wish to win, please count me out.

UPDATE: According to The Donald J. Trump Foundation Form 990, the American Conservative Union received 50K in donations in 2013.

Andrew Breitbart & Breitbart News: Same Name, Different Views — November 3, 2015

Andrew Breitbart & Breitbart News: Same Name, Different Views

People are probably tired of hearing me defend Marco Rubio and attack “conservative” media. Well, I’m kind of tired of having to do it, as well.

Yet here I am…


While it all seems redundant, I can’t help but think that with the Iowa caucuses 90 days away, the constant demonizing is in need of constant rebuttal. While I have a much, much smaller group of followers than Trump’s hired puppets, I’ll do what I can. I’ve used my last two posts to tear some in conservative media apart, and fully intended on moving on. However, this particular issue came up today so I put this post together. The most recent Breitbart/Drudge/Rubio/Trump debacle arrives on the same day that the below video has been unearthed, a video showing Andrew Breitbart giving praise to Marco Rubio.

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Dear Conservative Talking Heads, We Need to Talk… — October 28, 2015

Dear Conservative Talking Heads, We Need to Talk…

I recently wrote a blog addressed to “real conservatives,” now I’m going to address their weird, quasi-cult ring leaders. I’m talking about Hannity, Ingraham, Levin, Coulter, Rush, Drudge, etc… If Anchorman taught us anything, it was clearly that those in the news can be really, really stupid.

Paul Ryan is expected to be voted in as speaker tomorrow, and the third GOP debate will take place tonight. Countless conservatives will watch on Twitter as their favorite conservative celebrity commentators live tweet their opinions on Ryan, or simply highlight what they feel is pertinent in the debate. In the coming days, these “leaders” will give their opinions to their faithful following, and many will take their words rather seriously when judging the candidates themselves, or Ryan’s ability to do the job of speaker. The problem is that many of them have become no better than DailyKos, Salon, and the like, in terms of telling us the unbiased truth.

If I can bring myself to complement Trump on one thing, and one thing only, he has separated those of good character from frauds.

The con artists from the decent.

The hustlers from the trustworthy.

The swindlers and charlatans from those who still have some semblance of dignity.

He put juicy steaks on display and waited for the wolves to relieve themselves of their costumes. And they did. En masse. This comes at a time when conservative media is following the trend of click bait journalism. Even a lot of well known – trusted sources – have turned the direction of fishing for readers.

“You won’t believe what Obama said…”

“Bet they didn’t see this one coming!”

“I couldn’t believe it until I saw it!”

This gets you readers, but it gets you the kind of readers who are only interested in the shock and awe articles. Articles like “LFP at a 35 year low” aren’t going to get the clicks they want, and that’s what it’s all about these days. However, articles like “Paul Ryan will burn down the House and take you with him, here’s why….” will bring a tsunami wave of clicks from those who no longer want things fixed, but instead want revenge.

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Is Marco Rubio Pulling a Peter Gibbons? — October 27, 2015

Is Marco Rubio Pulling a Peter Gibbons?

My favorite part of the election season, thus far, is when I have to defend the principles of my conservative candidate against people who now believe socialist healthcare, burka praise, and eminent domain fit inside conservative principles. Now, it’s normal to attack other candidates, and it can even be considered a strategic move… Unless, of course, your own candidate sounds like he was created after a mad scientist melted down Kim Jong-un and Liberace before pouring the bedazzled dictator creation into a yuge mold, because then you just look like a jackwagon.

I digress.

If you were scanning Twitter or Facebook yesterday, you’d find that Marco Rubio is a no good, dirty rotten scoundrel who hates his job in the Senate.

“He’s QUIT!”

“Give up your paycheck, Marco!”

“Poor little baby hates the Senate, how can he handle being a president?!”

My first response was to ask where these people have been. The Senate record argument has been used and debunked since the beginning of this debacle, and somehow people just found out about it all yesterday? That aside, in true throat slashing political fashion, Rubio’s opponents are now trying to paint him as Peter Gibbons.

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#DemDebate: My Recap! — October 14, 2015

#DemDebate: My Recap!

I wrote a full recap for the Democratic Debate on #DemDebate – The Recap You Didn’t Know You Needed!

After you read it, you should go like our Facebook page.

Then you should like our Twitter page.

Then you should check out our vines.

Then you should read our stuff everyday while having coffee and a cupcake, interact with us, and have fun.

Then live happily ever after.

Dear “Real Conservatives,” We Need to Talk… — October 11, 2015

Dear “Real Conservatives,” We Need to Talk…

Alright, Guys… We’ve all been listening to the “Freedom Caucus” news, and most are wondering what the ever-loving debacle is about. The heroes of the underground GOP “fight club,” representing all that is good and decent. Bla, bla, bla… We’ve spent the last few months hearing “establishment RINO” more times than we’ve heard our own name, and “amnesty” is now a word that has no real definition. Everyday I troll through Twitter and, without fail, find at least one “real conservative” that I dislike a little more today than I did yesterday, and a little less than I will tomorrow. It’s like when your friend has a child, and it’s adorable, precious, innocent, and you want to cuddle it. Then at three it starts wiping boogers on you and punching the family dog, but you’re like, “well, my friend still loves them, and I guess I should, too. Maybe they’ll grow out of this terrible stage.” Then at six, that little gargoyle kicks you in the shin and locks himself in your car, lays on the horn, eats your pack of Oreos right in front of you like a serial killer, and makes you never want to have children. Suddenly you go from loving the little devil, to realizing that you can love your friend, but also do the right thing by informing her that the bundle of joy she calls “son” might be possessed. Well, “real conservatives,” I need to tell you something about your kid(s). I was on that GOP rebellion train, I wanted more accountability, stronger leadership, etc., but now the rebels are eating my Oreos, and I’m mad.

The Freedom Caucus has lit their torches, gathered their pitchforks, and they’re coming after anyone who doesn’t have a tattoo of Ronald Reagan on their forearm (yet by their standards, Reagan was a RINO). They’re going to gather at the city square and assemble their “RINO” name tags, fully prepared to place them upon the chests of anyone who oppose them. Then they’ll drag those who dissent to their own version of the gulag archipelago, where they’ll be forced to finish off their days making t-shirts that say, “Amnesty Shmamnesty.”  Disagreement is not tolerated, anything but mass deportation is not tolerated, bipartisanship is not tolerated, complementing someone from another faction of the GOP is not tolerated, working with someone outside of your tight-knit group is not tolerated; basically, doing anything they don’t agree with is, you guessed it, NOT TOLERATED. Wait, who does that sound like?

Oh, yes, the other side.

Last week Trey Gowdy endorsed Paul Ryan, and people almost had a meltdown. Then he said something nice about McCarthy and, well, I was fully prepared to start talking “real conservatives” off ledges. “How, in God’s name, does Trey Gowdy endorse a RINO?!???1!@#!!” Trey Gowdy, a trusted figure in all conservative tribes, trusts a RINO? Gee golly, Beaver, we need to alert the newspaper man. Because see here’s the thing, you can’t endorse anyone that doesn’t fall in line – from top to bottom – with every little, tiny, minuscule belief you hold; may God have mercy on your soul if you step out of line.

So I’ve come to this conclusion: We’re getting played. We’re getting bamboozled. We’re getting the run around. As our party implodes, the Democrats are sitting back laughing. We’re like the most dysfunctional family on the block right now. The neighbors are telling their kids they’re not allowed at our house. Dad’s doing interviews about Mom’s bad attitude, Mom’s sleeping around on Dad, Sister’s over crying in the corner with her feelings hurt, Brother’s watching YouTube videos of Ted Cruz, and little Billy joined a cult that promises to make American great again. To make matters worse, little Billy isn’t even a member of the family, he just showed up one day because he doesn’t have any parents. Instead of calling Child Services, like they should have, someone in the family gave Billy food, and now he’s been using our last name and won’t leave.

Breitbart articles on Rubio are being shared en masse by a group of writers who have decided that the means are justified by a complete implosion of our morals. They’re propping up Donald Trump, meanwhile they’re releasing fear mongering articles on Marco Rubio. According to them, Marco said one thing in English, and another in Spanish, concerning the DACA. An idea that anyone with an ounce of integrity could dismantle in roughly 5 seconds. They’ve done their best to portray him as a “donor class puppet.” They also started the vicious lie that Rubio was the deciding vote for Obamatrade, which was hilarious considering the vote for the TPP had not even happened. You see, the hard right is beginning to tell just as many falsehoods as the leftist media. Andrew Breitbart stood for truth, but now many of the writers who use his name to further their agenda have decided that winning is more important than integrity. That convincing you to support one candidate – also trashing another through obvious lies – is more important than laying out the truth and letting you decide.

Now, disliking some in our own party is part of the political game, and it’s okay to not like certain politicians – or all of them for that matter. I rant about politicians more than most, and can hold a grudge rather firmly. However, we’ve entered the realm of the kamikaze, and that’s not okay.

Let me explain:

I’m tired of seeing YouTube videos of Ted Cruz’s latest diatribe on what’s wrong in America. They do me no good, and I’m going to be really angry if I only have those to fall back on during Hillary’s inauguration, or worse, Biden’s inauguration. I’m tired of theatrics, I want change. I want discussions. I want actions, not words. I want something tangible, I want plans, I want more than just emotionally dazzling YouTube video clips to hand over to future generations. You see, I may not disagree with every word coming out of the mouths of the Freedom Caucus and Tea Party tribal chiefs, but the facts are, they’re not making a positive change, they’re demanding conformity. “My way or the highway!” And it’s gone FAR beyond the wishes of the average conservative citizen.

*Everyone reading this who has a photo of an eagle with a glitter tear drop saved on their phone just said, “THEY’RE DEMANDING THE WISHES OF THE PEOPLE!”* Nope.

I’m just going to note three lines that have made me want to rip my hair out just this weekend. I could add more, but I’m not writing a book here.

“Conservatives all want deportation! Those who support anything else are RINOs!”

Now, this particular one has come up again due to the fact that everyone is going there with every candidate. It’s like people hear a name and immediately go to Siri:

“Siri, does Paul Ryan want to round up every illegal immigrant in the country and send them to the Island from Lost?” 

“I don’t understand the question.” 

“Close enough, clearly he’s a RINO. Let’s get this article up on Breitbart.” 

Is that the litmus test now? Like unless they pretend that mass deportation is possible, they can’t possibly be of quality? I mean, if you want to bring up other issues, I’m all about discussing politicians. However, if you start adding “amnesty” to their name, when I know where they stand on immigration, I’m going to stop listening to you. More importantly, do all conservatives want mass deportation? Nope. According to a recent Pew poll, the majority of conservatives align more with Reagan, GWB, and Rubio concerning immigration:

So… If you’re speaking on behalf of The People, it sounds like The People would rather have a way for illegal immigrants to stay here legally. Let’s also make this clear, Paul Ryan and Marco Rubio don’t support amnesty. Wait, Romney and Bush don’t support amnesty either. Actually, the vast majority of conservatives don’t support amnesty, they support a logical answer, and mass deportation is not logical.

“Only Ted Cruz has a record of standing up to Washington!”

I don’t hate the man, but in reality, he stopped “standing up to Washington” the day Donald Trump entered the race (some say before). And – yes, I’m going to knowingly add insult to injury – that’s when we actually needed him. He has openly stood by Trump regardless of whether he truly agrees with him or not, that’s not “standing by your principles.”

“I’ve sung his praises. He’s bold, he’s brash, and I think the support he’s gaining right now in the polls is because people are looking for someone willing to stand up to Washington.”

So we can either admit to the fact that Ted Cruz supports an individual who has been funding the Washington mob for the majority of his career, and continues to tout policies that would only grow Washington’s power, or we admit that he’s an opportunist who is taking advantage of voters by pandering to the most liberal quasi-democrat who ever stole a conservative badge; the former would prove he sides with Washington, the latter would prove that he’s as dirty a politician as the next.

The truth that Ted Cruz supporters don’t want to admit, is that Ted Cruz could have made his bravest push against Washington by telling conservatives the truth about Donald Trump – it was his moment to shine and truly stand for conservative principles. Instead he cleaned off that blue paint and told the Sons of Scotland that he wasn’t the great William Wallace. Here we are, dealing with pandering and a shiny brand new YouTube video of an impassioned speech to share with friends. No thank you. If I want to get emotionally stirred by a speech on freedom, I’ll watch Braveheart. Sell it to someone else, Ted.

“The Freedom Caucus is the answer to our problems!!”

A. Don’t kid yourself. As someone on Twitter so brilliantly put it, the Freedom Caucus is the dog that finally caught the car.

B. You know what they’ve shown? They’ve shown that they want chaos, blood, and piles and piles of bodies. They’ve stormed into camp, lit the place on fire, and now have no evacuation plan. They’re the angry girlfriend who got drunk, keyed “cheater” into her boyfriend’s vintage ’65 Mustang, and then passed out. She has NO idea that in due time, she’s going to be praying to the porcelain with a pounding headache as the cops are banging on her door. As they drag the carcass of McCarthy’s political career through the streets, it would behoove them to remember from the last election that We The People have a larger body count.

The all or nothing mentality will only get you so far, and for them to get their way at all, they still have to work with the majority. That is, of course, unless they simply wish to pillage and rape the GOP. The people of this country have a burning anger towards Congress, mainly because they’ve gotten very little accomplished. However, it would serve us well to remember that little can be accomplished in the hostile environment that is the White House. That said, if you want to play hardball, you better come with a plan that doesn’t involve dousing the place with gasoline and lighting a match. That crap may fly with the Right’s own brand of low-info voters, but it doesn’t work on the rest of us. Strategy and plans will land us in the White House and The House, where we need to be for change to happen. Revenge and dramatic escapades will keep us in this same downward spiral.

One brilliant strategist put our current issue in perspective:

“Leadership is to blame for never identifying any hill worth dying on. Freedom Caucus types to blame for only being interested in dying”

I suggest we put down the tar and feathers and start acting like adults, because if we don’t, be ready for the Mistress of Darkness or Uncle Joe.  It’s pretty simple; nobody gets to have everything their way. If we’d all realize that, we’d begin moving forward. So, if everyone can just stop being jackwagons, that’d be great.

UPDATE: Brittany Pounders, with Liberty Juice, wrote a wonderful follow-up that addresses the failed leadership aspect of the problem we’re facing. Check it out here!

Dear NRA… — October 5, 2015

Dear NRA…

Dear NRA,

Saturday morning I found myself staring across a field of grass, blinded by the early morning sun, and chilled by a crisp Wisconsin fall breeze. I watched as my 8 year-old nephew played football with a few dozen other children, their families filled the stands to cheer on the little ones they love. The kids smiled and giggled, and my nephew danced around on the field like the ham he is. The boys on the field pushed each other around while laughing, all of them far too young to understand what happened last week, too young to grasp the fact that an insane, depraved madman walked into a college and took the lives of innocent men and women. No, the children on the field are too innocent to face such horrors, to sit with hands ringing watching the news unfold. They’re all too wide-eyed and full of hope to know what happened in Sandy Hook, or to hear of the children who begged for their lives in Columbine. They’re too raw in nature to hear the gruesome details, or be privy to the idea that there are individuals in this world who, given the opportunity, would take their lives.

Saturday morning my nephew obliviously enjoyed his football game, but on Saturday morning I scanned the faces of all who entered the stands. I watched the fences, the cars, and the entrance and exit points to the field. I pondered what I would do to protect myself and my nephew if someone came with the intent to harm. Would it be better for him to run, for me to run, would they have the mercy to look in his bright eyes and end their hatred? Would they target the children, or target the parents in the stands, forever damaging the innocent minds watching? I scanned, I pondered, I feared. I feared for him, I feared for myself, and I sat in this uncomfortable chill wondering if the madman of my nightmares would bother to leave his gun neatly tucked away in a safe as I had done that very morning. I had run to the grocery store, returned home, and put my Bersa Thunder in the safe, neatly tucked away in my closet before taking my nephew for his football game in a gun-free zone.

While I know the stats and understand that crimes of such magnitude are not on the rise, and that technological advancements have just made us more aware, the news from last week was fresh in my mind. I also know that the gun-free zone I was sitting in with the most precious cargo was statistically more likely to be a target than the theater I took him to later that day, a theater that allows me to protect myself and the innocent lives in tow. I know that the odds of being involved in a mass shooting are low, but I also know that the families burying their loved ones this week never thought they would be on the side of the odds they’re on.

Later that evening I was scrolling through Twitter and saw that many were attacking you – and guns in general – for the Oregon shooting.  I found them blaming you for the actions of a maniac, apparently he would have stayed home and lived out a peaceful life if the NRA didn’t exist? They make it sound as though you put the gun in his hands and pushed him through the doors of that college. I heard a speech by the President, in which he insinuated that organizations like yourself are to blame. I watched journalist after journalist and commentator after commentator demand an apology from you – and from your members – ad nauseam. Their anger was not poured into the actions of a madman, but rather into the actions of the National Rifle Association.

“Therefore the NRA should take its rightful place on the State Department list of terrorist organizations, because its influence is more of an immediate threat to the lives of our citizens than foreign terrorists.”

Since you are under attack by the narrative driven politicians and the sycophants who march against people like me – people like my innocent nephew – I felt the need to speak out. I fear them, NRA. I fear what kind of influence they will have on the people of this nation, I fear the number of people who believe their blatant lies and hypocrisy. I fear for the lives of those who enter gun-free zones daily, for the woman that scans the dark parking lot to see if it’s safe to walk to her car, the couple who live in a high crime area who have been taught to fear protection, and I fear for the mothers and fathers who think a sign will keep their children safe.

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